Home at last!

Happy Monday! (and Martin Luther King Day!)

We made it! It took 22 long sleepless grueling hours of nothing but driving through mountains, fog, snow/ice, and darkness, BUT we made it! Happy day!

After a very long and much needed night of deep sleep, I woke up not feeling so hot (but still happy!). I didn't drink much water during the drive - didn't want to have to stop as much as we usually do - and I could feel the dehydration all throughout my body. So after sucking down 2 whole camelbak, I started to feel a little better and decided to start making myself something warm and creamy.

These are my delicious, soul touching apple, banana, almond butter long cooking oats. These will literally touch your heart. And to boot, they are super easy!

Soul Touching Oats:
1/3 c old fashion oats
1/2 c almond milk
1/2 c water - you could do just water or just almond milk
1 small apple
1/2 banana
1 tbsp almond butter - or any nut butter of your choice
1/4 tsp vanilla
1 packet stevia - or a little agave or brown sugar

Start with cutting up your fruit into small pieces and placing them to the side. Fill a small sauce pan with oats and almond milk/water and place on low-medium heat. Let that warm just slightly and then stir in the fruit. Once it start to simmer, turn off the heat, add the almond butter, and place a lid on it. Let it sit on the stove - but off the heat - for 10 minutes. The steam will break down the fruit and allow the oats to cook through. After 10 minutes, add in the vanilla and the stevia. Mix well, place into your favorite cute bowl and enjoy!

These oats seemed to touch more than my soul today, they are so good, especially after surviving 22 hours on apples and Larabars.

If anyone is curious, they are all for the most part de-lish, but the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is (right now) my favorite!

Lunch was a monstrous salad - mixed greens, an avocado, a diced apple, carrots, cabbage with balsamic and olive oil - from a salad bar. It felt good to put something fresh into my life after that grueling trip.

After the Train and I ran some errands and got some things to make dinner, he unpacked the cars and I made dinner. Once in Boise when I was in the midst of clearing out my cupboards before going home for a break I discovered the blissful marriage of acorn squash and avocados. Sounds a little off, but I promise, the warm sweet starchy goodness of the squash pairs beautifully with the cool butteriness of the avocado. So I roasted the squash - cut it in half and cut side up place in a 400 degree oven for 30 - 40 minutes - and cut it up into small cubes with some mixed greens and the avocado. A drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and dinner was served.

Today has been a push/pull day for me. I'm being pulled towards something that makes sense financially and is really a great opportunity for the Z man and I, but my heart is pushing me towards something that is more easing of my heart, mind, and soul (and my relationship). We have the chance to stay with the in-laws until the wedding allowing us to save money to start a life, but that means living in a place full of anxiety, triggers, and possible ED challenges. A part of me says "buck up Burns, you'd be saving quite a bit of money for you the and Train" but the other part says "allow this place is wonderful, it is not right place for you to be in while trying to heal".

I've talked the situation over with the Train and although I know he will do anything to help me, I don't know that he understands the magnitude of the situation. And even though I've tried explaining things to him, I think its harder trying to explain things to myself. The ED tells me to do unhealthy things, stay in a place full of triggers and that causes me distress, but I'm trying to listen to the new found inner voice that I have that tells me to be nice to me, be good to me, do what is right for me.

 How do you fight off disordered thoughts and listen to your nurturing voice? Do you know how to listen to your nurturing voice or have you lost connection with it? 


Well the rest of the night is going to be catching up on some other blogs and trying to figure this camera thing out so I can upload better pictures. I'm so happy to be back in KC with the Train and both of my beautiful four legged children.

Tumble weeds on the roll... again...

Moving day! Happy happy happy day!

Simpson is not as excited about today as I am. Maybe he's thinking about the 19 drive ahead of us that I'm trying to not think about.

Last night I had a final horrah with some girl friends before I left. Thanks girls for helping me clean, pack, and drink a few more bottles of wine. I'll miss you all!

I started the day off with a a green juice and my hemp protein so that I could rock it out in the gym. I've been struggling a bit on the elliptical lately, I'm going to attribute it to stress and anxiety. Either way, a stellar workout sesh to get moving day started off on the right note.

I had a gift card to the Boise Co op with some mulla left on it, so I gleefully spent every last penny (and then some) on some very fun vegan treats! Check out the goods would ya...

Larabars, liquid aminos, almond butter, tahini, coconut oil & butter, 5 grain cereal, PB2, fresh Canadian grade B maple syrup, multi-grain hot cereal, egg replacer, red maca powder, and almond milk creamer (original & french vanilla). Did I score or what! I'm going to be a very happy vegan once I get to play with all this stuff!

*Again I apologize for the crappy pictures, once I'm back in KC I promise much better quality for you all to Ohh and Ahh over.

I had lunch with a very dear friend once last time before I left at Goldy's Breakfast Bistro, which again if you ever happen to stumble upon Boise (huh?) you must must must check this place out (try the mushroom frittata or the eggs benedict... ba-na-nas!). I opted for a more vegan friendly fair, a piping cup of soy chai tea (my favorite), a GIANT bowl of fresh local fruit and (AH BOO, safe!) Goldy's mile high veggie salad - I got a little nervous ordering because I'm going to be stuck in a car for 20 hours so before I knew it "salad" came out of my mouth, dang. Safe or not, I have to give it them, fruit cupping to those at Goldy's is an art form. Isn't this thing beautiful!

After lunch, I picked up the Train (YAY!) from the airport and we had to feed him and the tape worm that seems to reside within him - man that boy can EAT! After his belly was satisfied, we rushed to the apartment so that he could finally meet his new son.

Aren't they CUTE!

Once they became acquainted we started to haul everything down to and within hours we were out the door. Good-bye Boise!

So here is what I'm getting a little nervous about. As excited as I am to be back home, I'm a little anxious of all the things that are going to take place, moving into a new place with the Train, finding a new job (hopefully), keeping up in the gym, and staying true to my new vegan ways. It's not that my family isn't supportive, but they seem to not always have my back when it comes to my lifestyle choices or make it easy for me. Granted I haven't given them too many reasons to take my side when it come to food and eating, but I'm finally finding a happy place when it comes to food thanks to becoming a vegan. How do you find the strength when it doesn't seem like those around you support you? Where else do you find support for your challenges? How do you stay true to you?


I'm hoping to get a post in while we're on the road, but getting the Z man to stop for reason other than letting me pee (every hour on the hour it seems) is kind of a challenge. I'm sure once I tell him its for all of you to enjoy the move and views along with us, maybe he'll give me 10 minutes to snap a picture here and there. So the next time you hear from me I'll officially be a Kansas Citian... KCMO-inite... a Missourian... whatever you want to call it, I'm calling it home!

A Good-bye Tribute

Hello everyone! Can I just say TGIF takes on a whole new meaning for me because tomorrow I get to move HOME! YAY!

Sorry for the MIA yesterday, I meant to say a little something after my dinner party with the colleagues but a few bottles of wine later and some much needed Sarah/Chelsea time equated to me sleeping on the floor on my memory foam mattress because I sold my bed yesterday. Ohh but it was so worth it.

I wanted to use today's post as a tribute to some very special people I've met here during my stint in Boise. As I mentioned in the other day's post, my dearest friend LT has made the past year bearable (sadly we did not find one another until our second semester). She has the most amazing heart and such a wonderful soul, she really did save me from many a bad days. She was the first and only person in Boise I trusted with my ED and she was fully on board when it came helping me every step of the way. We had many dinner dates together either at my home or her's so that I wouldn't have to eat (or not eat) alone. And days I wanted to spend all my time beating myself up either emotionally or physically on the elliptical trainer, she would bring back to reality and make me feel special. LT, you are such a wonderful person, you're friendship means the moon to me. I love you. (PS- I will get a picture of us before I leave!!)

Next are my colleagues who supported me the best they could in the situation we were all in. Keita, Brandon, and Josh, thank you for always having my back. When I felt alone and on an island, I could count on you guys to make sure I knew I wasn't alone.   So here's The Bird to you Brandon and Keita, and a hug to Josh.

The Vball girls... where do I start (wipe a tear). Thank you all for the most amazing experience over the past year and a half. All of you hold a very special place in my heart. Thank you!

Sarah and Andi, even though we were only together for a short time, I feel I have two VERY dear friends and loves for life.

Excuse me while I grab a Kleenex... Alright let's get back to soul searching veganism shall we?

So I have to confess, I have been kind of (ok...MAJORLY) on edge the past few days about the whole food thing. I feel like I'm trying to fight (YAY!) off the anxiety and disordered thoughts, but they are there and they are LOUD.  I know it has a lot to do with moving, saying good-bye, starting over (again) and the unknown before me. Before, I'd always turned to food to pacify my emotions and anxiety, but I really am trying to listen to what is actually going on, why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, and find a more healthy way to deal. How do you deal with anxiety or other emotions that are hard to handle?


So yesterday and today I opted for safe affairs only because it was better for me to go safe, ease the anxiety, and actually do something good for my body, rather than what could have happened (i.e. not eating).  So breakfast was a green juice with hemp protein. Lunch was a monstrous salad (spinach, chickpeas, kidney beans, peas, tomatoes, olives, beats and an avocado) with side of fresh blueberries.

Dinner is yet to be, the girls are coming over for Boxes and Wine. They're bringing the boxes, I'm supplying the wine, and we're going to party while packing me up for KC! Good-bye Boise, Hello KCMO!

If you chocolate.... I will come :)

Today was just full of indulgences...

I started the day off by indulging myself in an extra hour of glorious, warm, and soothing sleep (in other words, it was too darned cold in my apartment to get out of bed when the alarm when off, and Simpson and I were just too cozy together).

Once I peeled the blankets off the bed and was able to burrito myself in them, I contemplated what to have for breakfast. I wasn't super hungry this morning, but I needed something because I was heading to the gym for a dance with the elliptical trainer. So I indulged in a store-bought juice, which I rarely buy because why buy what I can create myself, along with a Nutiva Organic Hemp Protein Powder shaken (not stirred... sorry cheezy) in with it. For those of you who haven't tried hemp protein, I challenge you to, it is a great way to get some much needed protein (let's rev up the metabolism eh).

After my hour long sweat (puddles of sweat) session, I quickly jet home to take a swim in my shower, grabbed my computer and zipped out the door for lunch at the most wonderfully fantastically delicious vegan/vegetarian restaurant and tea house in Boise (where the heck is that?) called Shangri-La Tea. If you are ever in the Boise (where?) area, which I doubt many of you will ever be, you MUST look up this place... food-gasm. Ok, back to my point. I have to apologize ahead of time... I really meant to take pictures for all you to admire and bask in all the delicious glory... but I basked in the delicious glory of my Vegan Corn (might I mention NOT safe) Chowder and Asian Rainbow Salad with sesame-ginger-lime dressing a little too quickly and ate it all up before a single flash could take place. I seriously shoveled this amazing food into my mouth. But fear not, I did take a picture of this...

Meet Chocolate-Cup-O-Nirvana.

My family and friends, and those who know me at all, know I am a licensed and certified chocoholic, no joke (Hi, my name is Chelsea and I'm a chocoholic... Hi Chelsea). So when I saw the Power Pudding made with raw cacao, avocados, raw coconut butter, maca, goji berries and dates served with blueberries and walnuts, a tingling sensation started in toes and radiated into my stomach. I knew I was going to be having this for dessert, even though I wanted to say to hell with chowder give me the power! Literally, the heavens parted and God said to me "Did I do good or what huh?" Yes God, you done good!

Are those lick marks? Don't worry, I refrained and remained lady like although the five year old inside me was kicking and screaming for more...

After I finished my two pots (yes pots) of the house chai tea, I literally had to waddle myself out to my car. Major food baby, a nice healthy developed food baby.

While I waited for my dinner date with my love LT, I continued to clean and pack and clean and pack UGH! I also waited for some people to stop by and look at some of our things we're trying to sell on Craigslist. Anyone need a loveseat?

Dinner consisted of a table for two, my dearest friend LT, and mounds and mounds of toe-tingling, hair-on-the-back-of-your-neck-standing, drool worthy vegetarian and vegan bliss at again Shangri-La Tea (hey I have to get as much of it in before I leave for good!).

LT ordered the falaful sandwich, which looked devine,

while I opted for the tabouli salad,

and wild mushroom miso soup.

Yum-E-Yum-Yum!    

And of course we could not leave with out just one more indulgence... behold...

A chocolate lover's dream, layers of decadent vegan chocolate cream sandwiching a piece of luscious vegan chocolate cake... how do they do it? Mind.Blow.Ing! (we couldn't wait for the picture we both HAD to try it)

All in all, this day was as decadent as ever and I feel like I'm floating on puffy clouds of chocolate bliss. I'm pretty proud of myself for TWO desserts today, and eating out TWO times in ONE day (definitely a big deal for me). The soup and salad may have been a smidge safe, but I feel on top of a mountain...a big sweet chocolatey mountain.

Soul Searching Vegan: Listening makes everything taste better

Soul Searching Vegan: Listening makes everything taste better: "I'm learning, slowly, but I'm learning. Today I was determined to listen to my body and give it what it wanted. I made a wonderful 'egg' and..."

Listening makes everything taste better

I'm learning, slowly, but I'm learning. Today I was determined to listen to my body and give it what it wanted. I made a wonderful "egg" and veggie scramble which I wrapped up in a tortilla to make a breakfast burrito, which I had been dreaming about all night. It was good, but didn't really take the edge off. But I was feeling ok (but not stellar).

For lunch I had the rest of the scramble on top of spinach for lunch with an added avocado smushed in. Again, it was good, buuuut still didn't seem to get to that place that I was itching to get to.

After my session with my holistic counselor for my weekly meeting, I decided to treat myself for the second day in a row to my favorite coffee shop for my usual soy chai tea latte and a (safe) piece of vegan spiced apple and raisin bread (rather than the vegan "everything" cookie). Thank you Flying M for offering vegan options, but UHG, my treat did not treat me the way I had been hoping (don't get me wrong, it was good, but it didn't scratch that itch still).

So dinner came around and being that I'm moving and had most of my kitchen stuffed into reusable bags, I wanted to get something that I could just toss together, so of course I opted for a (safe) salad rather than the homemade hummus with pita bread and cucumbers that I'd picked up and put back down. I added an avocado, a tomato, and some hummus to the spring mix and dried cranberries.

... it looked good.... it tasted good... but at that point I hadn't listen to my body all day and the itch became too big to scratch. A thus came ...the binge. :(

I started the day on the right note (good job Burns!), I was really trying to listen to my body and give it what it was craving (again, good job!). But by not fully satisfying myself, playing it safe, and ignoring what my heart was trying to tell me, I inevitably set myself up for the binge. I was trying though and had all the right intentions, so I pat myself on the back (YAY!) for that, but I played it safe and tried to reason with the unreasonable.

I really wish I didn't have to learn all these lessons the hard way. Basically I'm relearning how to listen to my body and it's scary. I almost don't even know what to listen for because for the past 8 years I was the one telling my body what it wanted rather than the other way around (yeah...I really like eating salads every day.... not!). And it's scary because cravings to me are for some reason (enter ED) are associated with too many calories and weight gain.

So lesson learned, point taken, when I listen to my cravings and actually give in to them, the itch will be scratched, the sweet tooth will be tamed, and all will be right with the world. But for now, any suggestions on how to truly listen to my body and what it happens to be craving?


**Forgive the grainy pictures, I left my camera cord to upload my pictures to my computer back in KC, so I'm using my phone. But once I am reunited with KC, I promise for better quality visual aids :)







 

Soul Searching Vegan: Battle of Heart Versus Mind

Soul Searching Vegan: Battle of Heart Versus Mind: "Hello, welcome to day number 2 of Soul Searching! I still soaring on the excitement of this new adventure that I have decided to undertake..."