If you chocolate.... I will come :)

Today was just full of indulgences...

I started the day off by indulging myself in an extra hour of glorious, warm, and soothing sleep (in other words, it was too darned cold in my apartment to get out of bed when the alarm when off, and Simpson and I were just too cozy together).

Once I peeled the blankets off the bed and was able to burrito myself in them, I contemplated what to have for breakfast. I wasn't super hungry this morning, but I needed something because I was heading to the gym for a dance with the elliptical trainer. So I indulged in a store-bought juice, which I rarely buy because why buy what I can create myself, along with a Nutiva Organic Hemp Protein Powder shaken (not stirred... sorry cheezy) in with it. For those of you who haven't tried hemp protein, I challenge you to, it is a great way to get some much needed protein (let's rev up the metabolism eh).

After my hour long sweat (puddles of sweat) session, I quickly jet home to take a swim in my shower, grabbed my computer and zipped out the door for lunch at the most wonderfully fantastically delicious vegan/vegetarian restaurant and tea house in Boise (where the heck is that?) called Shangri-La Tea. If you are ever in the Boise (where?) area, which I doubt many of you will ever be, you MUST look up this place... food-gasm. Ok, back to my point. I have to apologize ahead of time... I really meant to take pictures for all you to admire and bask in all the delicious glory... but I basked in the delicious glory of my Vegan Corn (might I mention NOT safe) Chowder and Asian Rainbow Salad with sesame-ginger-lime dressing a little too quickly and ate it all up before a single flash could take place. I seriously shoveled this amazing food into my mouth. But fear not, I did take a picture of this...

Meet Chocolate-Cup-O-Nirvana.

My family and friends, and those who know me at all, know I am a licensed and certified chocoholic, no joke (Hi, my name is Chelsea and I'm a chocoholic... Hi Chelsea). So when I saw the Power Pudding made with raw cacao, avocados, raw coconut butter, maca, goji berries and dates served with blueberries and walnuts, a tingling sensation started in toes and radiated into my stomach. I knew I was going to be having this for dessert, even though I wanted to say to hell with chowder give me the power! Literally, the heavens parted and God said to me "Did I do good or what huh?" Yes God, you done good!

Are those lick marks? Don't worry, I refrained and remained lady like although the five year old inside me was kicking and screaming for more...

After I finished my two pots (yes pots) of the house chai tea, I literally had to waddle myself out to my car. Major food baby, a nice healthy developed food baby.

While I waited for my dinner date with my love LT, I continued to clean and pack and clean and pack UGH! I also waited for some people to stop by and look at some of our things we're trying to sell on Craigslist. Anyone need a loveseat?

Dinner consisted of a table for two, my dearest friend LT, and mounds and mounds of toe-tingling, hair-on-the-back-of-your-neck-standing, drool worthy vegetarian and vegan bliss at again Shangri-La Tea (hey I have to get as much of it in before I leave for good!).

LT ordered the falaful sandwich, which looked devine,

while I opted for the tabouli salad,

and wild mushroom miso soup.

Yum-E-Yum-Yum!    

And of course we could not leave with out just one more indulgence... behold...

A chocolate lover's dream, layers of decadent vegan chocolate cream sandwiching a piece of luscious vegan chocolate cake... how do they do it? Mind.Blow.Ing! (we couldn't wait for the picture we both HAD to try it)

All in all, this day was as decadent as ever and I feel like I'm floating on puffy clouds of chocolate bliss. I'm pretty proud of myself for TWO desserts today, and eating out TWO times in ONE day (definitely a big deal for me). The soup and salad may have been a smidge safe, but I feel on top of a mountain...a big sweet chocolatey mountain.

Soul Searching Vegan: Listening makes everything taste better

Soul Searching Vegan: Listening makes everything taste better: "I'm learning, slowly, but I'm learning. Today I was determined to listen to my body and give it what it wanted. I made a wonderful 'egg' and..."

Listening makes everything taste better

I'm learning, slowly, but I'm learning. Today I was determined to listen to my body and give it what it wanted. I made a wonderful "egg" and veggie scramble which I wrapped up in a tortilla to make a breakfast burrito, which I had been dreaming about all night. It was good, but didn't really take the edge off. But I was feeling ok (but not stellar).

For lunch I had the rest of the scramble on top of spinach for lunch with an added avocado smushed in. Again, it was good, buuuut still didn't seem to get to that place that I was itching to get to.

After my session with my holistic counselor for my weekly meeting, I decided to treat myself for the second day in a row to my favorite coffee shop for my usual soy chai tea latte and a (safe) piece of vegan spiced apple and raisin bread (rather than the vegan "everything" cookie). Thank you Flying M for offering vegan options, but UHG, my treat did not treat me the way I had been hoping (don't get me wrong, it was good, but it didn't scratch that itch still).

So dinner came around and being that I'm moving and had most of my kitchen stuffed into reusable bags, I wanted to get something that I could just toss together, so of course I opted for a (safe) salad rather than the homemade hummus with pita bread and cucumbers that I'd picked up and put back down. I added an avocado, a tomato, and some hummus to the spring mix and dried cranberries.

... it looked good.... it tasted good... but at that point I hadn't listen to my body all day and the itch became too big to scratch. A thus came ...the binge. :(

I started the day on the right note (good job Burns!), I was really trying to listen to my body and give it what it was craving (again, good job!). But by not fully satisfying myself, playing it safe, and ignoring what my heart was trying to tell me, I inevitably set myself up for the binge. I was trying though and had all the right intentions, so I pat myself on the back (YAY!) for that, but I played it safe and tried to reason with the unreasonable.

I really wish I didn't have to learn all these lessons the hard way. Basically I'm relearning how to listen to my body and it's scary. I almost don't even know what to listen for because for the past 8 years I was the one telling my body what it wanted rather than the other way around (yeah...I really like eating salads every day.... not!). And it's scary because cravings to me are for some reason (enter ED) are associated with too many calories and weight gain.

So lesson learned, point taken, when I listen to my cravings and actually give in to them, the itch will be scratched, the sweet tooth will be tamed, and all will be right with the world. But for now, any suggestions on how to truly listen to my body and what it happens to be craving?


**Forgive the grainy pictures, I left my camera cord to upload my pictures to my computer back in KC, so I'm using my phone. But once I am reunited with KC, I promise for better quality visual aids :)







 

Soul Searching Vegan: Battle of Heart Versus Mind

Soul Searching Vegan: Battle of Heart Versus Mind: "Hello, welcome to day number 2 of Soul Searching! I still soaring on the excitement of this new adventure that I have decided to undertake..."

Battle of Heart Versus Mind

Hello, welcome to day number 2 of Soul Searching!

I still soaring on the excitement of this new adventure that I have decided to undertake, it inspired me to start my Monday on the right note. To me, that means giant green smoothy for breakfast to get me rockin' and ready to go. This morning's green smoothy consisted of two navel oranges, one bunch of kale, a can of lite coconut milk, and a scoop of protein mix (I prefer Lifetime Life's Basic plant protein). I only had half of the smoothy followed with a go on the elliptical trainer, and saved the rest to add to my lunch. But it was so good, I could have topped the whole thing off, I love coconut!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I am in a transition phase of my life in more ways then one (many more than one). Not only am I trying to soul search and find inner peace as a whole, but I'm also moving back home to Kansas City from Boise and leaving my position as a graduate assistant at a major university. I've been here for a year and a half and tried to make my experience here work and be worthwhile, however, sadly it is not happening. So I have unfortunately, after trying to make it work for as long as I have, decided I am going to (or at least trying to) move on. Not only am I physically going to have to move on, but emotionally as well. I have developed some very strong and dear bonds with people here as well as to my position as a graduate assistant.

So what's the problem with this, it's just another phase of life right? Yes and no. I know Boise is not right for me, nor was my position, but a part of me still feels like I have failed because I'm leaving before my 2 year contract is up, with just a semester left. I have worked so hard in my undergrad to be able to get a graduate assistant position so that I could get my master's degree, a part of me feels like I'm giving up, and that I didn't try hard enough to make the best of everything. The other part of me knows the truth of the situation. I did try my hardest to make it work and I am not failing, I did a great job for the year and a half I worked there, sometimes as hard as we try, things just don't work out. My heart says "it's ok, I did my best", but my brain says "epic failure Burns". How to do I get the connection of my heart and my brain to reconnect?

So to give my brain and my heart a chance to stop bantering I decided I had to get out of my house. I needed a little me time which to me mean my all time favorite soy chia(chai) tea latte (in my re-usable ceramic mug) from my favorite hippie coffee joint in Boise, The Flying M. I feel so at home here, it's chic, it's eclectic, it's businessmen(woman), it's hippie, it's perfect. Coming here got my brain to shut up for a second and allowed my heart and soul the chance to enjoy a steamy cup of nirvana and be at peace (for a little while).

Have you ever had to get your heart to explain things to you mind? How did your battle go?

Soul Searching Vegan: The Beginning

Soul Searching Vegan: The Beginning: "Welcome to Soul Searching Vegan! Let me start off with saying how excited I am right now to begin this journey, or more, share my journey w..."

The Beginning

Welcome to Soul Searching Vegan!

Let me start off with saying how excited I am right now to begin this journey, or more, share my journey with you. As excited as I am, I'm equally as nervous to actually speak of my ups and down, and confess my struggles and attempt to highlight my successes. In a way, I've gotten as far as I have by continually shying away from talking about my battles and hardships, and almost pretending they never happen or don't exists. Sound familiar?

I wanted to start writing about my hardships (and my success, I need to stop being so hard on myself) in hopes of pushing my soul searching to the next level. I want to finally put all my doubts to rest. I want to truly have passion for my food, love for exercise, and respect for my body. All these things are in the beginning stages, and I know the searching for happiness will be a success.

So a little about me, my name is Chelsea (Hi!) and I have recently transitioned into veganism from vegetarianism in an attempts to have a more holistic and compassionate life. I'm hoping it is a way for me to heal from the inside out. I am currently working on my master's degree in Kinesiology and am stepping down from my graduate assistant position that I had for the past year and a half. I'm also planning my wedding to a wonderful man, in process of moving back to KC, applying for jobs, all while trying to take care of me. Needless to say, it is a great time to start a blog.

I have two other loves in my life (other than my future hubby) Gelato and Simpson. Unconditional love at its finest. Unfortunately my hubby-in-waiting and my robust grey love (Gelato) are both back home in KC awaiting my return, while Simpson and I prepare for our journey east.

Besides my love for both two legged and four legged creatures, I have an intangible love for exercise. Exercise had always been my escape from the world, from feeling and emotions and any unwanted calories I'd ingested, but now I am learning to appreciate exercise for all its glory. Most of me loves exercise for all the right reasons, but still a smidge bit of me loves it for all the wrong. But in time I'm confident I'll find inner peace with it.

Along with the search for inner peace with exercise, I'm also working on a more compassionate way with food, both physically and mentally. Like I said I have recently transitioned into veganism to lead a more "cruel free" lifestyle, but also I am trying to find the strength to love and appreciate food for all the wonderfulness that it is. For the longest time I have had a strong fear and misunderstanding about food. To me, it has always been the enemy, causing self-loathing and feelings of regret. It has been an endless cycle of "starting over". I try to start the day off on a good note and "be good", but by the end of the day I would feel unexplainable fear of all the food I'd eaten for the day and telling myself I'd do better the next day only to start the cycle again. But now I am breaking the cycle and refusing to let fear and anxiety rule my days.

So here we go, let the soul searching begin.